unicorn

there's jquery everywhere ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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// ==UserScript==
// @name         unicorn
// @namespace    http://tampermonkey.net/
// @version      1.0.0
// @description  there's jquery everywhere ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
// @author       justrunmyscripts
// @require      https://cdnjs.cloudflare.com/ajax/libs/jquery/3.1.1/jquery.min.js
// @match        https://*/*
// @grant        none
// @run-at       document-end
// @noframes
// ==/UserScript==

window.addEventListener('load', () => {
    'use strict';

    console.log('unicorn is running! (tampermonkey script!)');

    $('h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6,p,i,b,a,ul,li,blockquote,hr,div,ins,strong,em,span,' +
      'abbr,address,area,article,aside,base,big,button,canvas,caption,cite,code,' +
      'col,colgroup,command,dd,del,details,dir,dl,dt,embed,fieldset,figcaption,figure,' +
      'font,footer,form,frame,head,hr,html,body,i,iframe,input,ins,label,legend,link,map,' +
      'mark,menu,meta,meter,nav,noframes,object,ol,option,q,s,rp,rt,ruby,samp,section,' +
      'select,source,strike,sub,summary,sup,table,tbody,td,textarea,th,thead,time' +
      'title,tr,track,tt,u,ul,var').not(':has(*)').each((index, element )=>{
        var thestring = $(element).html();
        try {
            thestring = thestring.replace(/(\s+)(honest|respectable|innocent|right|upright|blameless|charitable|dutiful|estimable|ethical|exemplary|guiltless|incorrupt|inculpable|irreprehensible|irreproachable|lily-white|obedient|praiseworthy|pure|righteous|tractable|uncorrupted|untainted|well-behaved|acceptable|excellent|exceptional|favorable|great|marvelous|positive|satisfactory|satisfying|superb|valuable|wonderful|ace|choice|crack|nice|pleasing|prime|quality|rad|sound|spanking|sterling|super|superior|welcome|worthy|admirable|agreeable|commendable|congenial|deluxe|first-class|first-rate|gnarly|gratifying|honorable|jake|neat|precious|recherché|reputable|select|shipshape|splendid|stupendous|super-eminent|super-excellent|tiptop|up to snuff|efficient|proper|reliable|suitable|talented|useful|adept|expert|accomplished|adroit|au fait|capable|clever|dexterous|proficient|qualified|serviceable|advantageous|appropriate|beneficial|convenient|decent|desirable|fruitful|healthy|helpful|profitable|approving|brave|common|fit|fitting|meet|all right|ample|apt|auspicious|becoming|benefic|benignant|commendatory|commending|conformable|congruous|favoring|healthful|hygienic|needed|opportune|propitious|salubrious|salutary|seemly|tolerable|toward|unobjectionable|wholesome|flawless|normal|perfect|safe|solid|stable|eatable|whole|dependable|fit to eat|fresh|intact|loyal|trustworthy|unblemished|uncontaminated|undamaged|undecayed|unhurt|unimpaired|unspoiled|vigorous|friendly|humanitarian|altruistic|beneficent|benevolent|considerate|gracious|humane|kindhearted|merciful|obliging|philanthropic|tolerant|well-disposed|legitimate|true|valid|kosher|regular|bona fide|conforming|genuine|justified|orthodox|strict|well-founded|orderly|decorous|kindly|mannerly|polite|respectful|thoughtful|well-mannered|adequate|big|large|long|sufficient|worthwhile|entire|full|much|complete|extensive|immeasurable|lucrative|paying|sizable|substantial|prosperity|welfare|well-being|asset|avail|behalf|benediction|blessing|boon|commonwealth|favor|gain|godsend|interest|nugget|plum|prize|profit|service|treasure|use|usefulness|windfall|good fortune|class|dignity|excellence|ideal|merit|prerogative|probity|rectitude|righteousness|straight|uprightness|value|virtue|worth)(\s+)/gi, '$1very good$3');
            thestring = thestring.replace(/unicode/gi, 'unicorn');
            thestring = thestring.replace(/know/gi, 'grok');
            thestring = thestring.replace(/(\S*?)men(\S*)/gi, '$1men$2 but also the $1women$2 and the $1children$2');
            thestring = thestring.replace(/fuck/gi, 'fudge');
            thestring = thestring.replace(/shit/gi, 'shiitaake mushroom');
            thestring = thestring.replace(/cloud/gi, 'vapor');
            $(element).html(thestring);
        }
        catch (err) {
            console.log('ERROR: ', err);
        }
    });

    $.noConflict();
}, false);
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